On the loss of my parents:

My bleeding heart that beats for everyone else was having a hard time beating for itself. And I felt like I was dying and there was no one to resuscitate me. No one checked on me, no one asked how I was doing in those passing days, or ever since. I was in a dark cold place and those I thought knew me best left me to die.

And with their deaths a part of me did die. I’m not the same. And maybe it’s because I’m still grieving, or maybe it’s because the world looks different now. People aren’t so shiny to me anymore. People are hurtful and heartless at times. It’s not that I didn’t already know that, I just intentionally chose to look past it. But now, I can’t anymore – it’s all I see.

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Memory Lane

I walk alone down memory lane to the water’s edge. I let my tears fall, melting into the sea below, never to return to me. Alone in grief I remember – remember childhood, remember days I wish were forgotten… but to forget them is to forget you. And although the pain is unbearable (almost as unbearable as this grief), I ache to remember it all – the pain, the tears… because mixed in those moments of time were small moments of love… although twisted and strange – it was there. I grasp to hold on to those moments because I need to let go. It’s strange to imagine needing to hold on to something to let go… but it’s like our relationship always was – never quite normal or predictable. I know you must have loved me in your own way, but your love only hurt me, pushing me away. Now that you’re gone I sit in silent solace – left to dry my own tears, as I did so often while you were alive. I search for the closure I thought your passing would bring, but instead I’m left with a deepening hollow inside me that grows with every passing second. I’ll never understand you and I’ll never understand why, all I can do is wave my hand and say goodbye. Goodbye to my childhood, goodbye to the past, goodbye to the moments we never truly had. And now I must leave you down on memory lane… a path now dark and lonely, scattered with forgotten moments of a little girl’s dreams. I hope to find closure as I let you go… for this path I journey I cannot look back, for if I do, I may crack.

I’m Plaid About You

I'm Plaid About YouHello loves! Sorry I haven’t posted anything in so long. I started a new job and my husband and I are in the process of moving into a new home.  A lot of exciting changes going on, but that’s still no excuse for not posting!  So here is a new post – finally!  My favorite season is Autumn. Growing up in Ohio I still long for the chill in the air and the changing of the leaves.  Here in Los Angeles we do cool down enough to break out the sweaters and boots, and I can head up to NorCal for a more “fall like” experience so I don’t feel like I’m missing out too much. Now, when I lived in Florida I always felt like I was missing out on the seasons! California is perfect for me. I feel I can get the best of everything here.

I bought this plaid shirt and coated- wash skinny jeans from Old Navy.  I thought pairing a plaid shirt with an edgier pair of jeans would amp up the fun factor.  And adding these stunning Simply Vera heels pulled the whole look together.  I love mixing patterns, styles and textures. Fashion is all about having fun. I hope my outfit inspires you to try different prints and textures.  It’s always fun to play dress up and see what you come up with!

Outfit: Jeans – Old Navy; Shirt – Old Navy; Heels – Kohls; Sunnies: So brand (old); Cross Body Bag – Nine West (old);  Lipstick – Maybelline Super Stay 24 color “Keep it Red

My Beauty Secrets

My Beauty SecretsHello, dolls! Hope everyone is having a great week. I thought I would do a quick post on some of my beauty secrets. They aren’t really beauty secrets per say, but they have been forgotten or pushed behind all these new products that claim to do miracles. Sometimes you just need to take it back to the basics. You can’t get any better than these products – they’ve been around forever and you just can’t go wrong (in my opinion), so let’s get started!

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo: This stuff I use for a lot of things! Here is my list of uses:

Cleaning your makeup brushes: I recently did a post about using this to wash your makeup brushes. It does a magnificent job!  If  you want to know my complete process on how I wash my brushes, follow this link – Time to “brush up” on some basics: http://wp.me/p3o8m3-dn

Washing your hair: Well, it is shampoo after all! I use this once a week on my hair in place of my everyday shampoo. How much gunk do we have built up in our hair from all our styling products? All of those products weigh your hair down. Even after you use your everyday shampoo there is still some product hanging on to your strands. Sure, you could spend some $$$ on a cleansing shampoo, but why when this works just as well – if not better! It removes all the product build-up, leaving my hair clean and happy!

To shave your legs: Yes, this is amazing for shaving. I have tried baby oil and while it works, it also makes the tub so slippery you are one step away from being wet and naked wrapped in a shower curtain on a stretcher in an ambulance on your way to the ER for a broken leg. Do we really need to worry about that? Not me. I ran out of shave gel one day while showering and thought I’d give this a shot. Not only did it give me a close shave, I also had soft shiny legs. I also noticed it took longer for stubble to grow back – maybe it’s because I was getting a closer shave since I didn’t have that thick layer of shaving gel? Whatever the reasons, I am now more than sold on using this exclusively.

Vaseline Cocoa Butter (for lips):  Vaseline is a great product, so when I saw they had a cocoa butter lip balm I had to get it! It doesn’t matter what brand you purchase though, the secret is cocoa butter! I’ve had many different cocoa butter lip balms and they have all been amazing. If you suffer from dry cracked lips and have never found a product that truly worked then give this a try! Most people wouldn’t think of cocoa butter for your lips, but it’s great stuff. I recommend exfoliating your lips first if they are really dry and then apply this. You can make a quick exfoliator at home by taking a teaspoon of sugar and a few drops of olive oil and mixing them together. Scrub your lips in circular motion with your finger, washcloth, or toothbrush (rinse off excess with a warm washcloth) and then apply your cocoa butter lip balm. Your lips will thank you!

Since we are talking about the Vaseline brand I also thought I’d mention –  I know a lot of women use it for removing eye makeup, and it really does work. So if you haven’t tried it then give it a shot.  I personally don’t like the greasy heavy feeling of it around my eyes, so I stick to my Almay oil free makeup remover pads, but I thought I’d mention it in case anyone was curious to try it.

Vitamin E oil:  This is the best moisturizer out there! No need to spend a ton of money, just use this after you wash your face at night. Just dab a tiny bit on your forehead, cheeks, chin, neck, chest, cuticles, and back of hands. A lot of women neglect their neck, chest, and hands. These can give your age away. We spend so much time trying to keep our face from aging we forget the other tell-tale signs of aging. Once you apply the oil, gently massage it into your skin for a minute or two. Vitamin E oil has many great skin benefits – it can be used to treat scars, acne, and wrinkles because it speeds up cell regeneration. This creates an anti-aging effect, which makes the skin look younger. It benefits the skin by helping it retain its natural moisture content. It makes dull-looking, dry skin look healthier and fresher. It truly is my secret to beautiful skin! I have also used olive oil on my face. Great benefits from that as well! Give either of them a try. It truly gives you glowing soft skin.
 Please note that everyone’s skin is different. What works for me may not work for you.

My Beauty SecretsContact lens solution: Yes, this is truly a fun little secret. I don’t know how much money I’ve spent on eyeliners because I wanted like 12 thousand different colors. Well, I learned this little secret – Dip your eyeliner brush into some contact lens solution and run it across any color eyeshadow. The solution and the shadow together become a gel like eyeliner with decent lasting results (better than just dipping your brush in plain water).  Now, it is by no means waterproof or fade proof – you should still use a primer if you want long lasting results, but the color selection is endless! Take any eyeshadow palette you have and you can try this trick!

So, there you have it – those are some of my beauty secrets. Hope it inspired you to try them out!

 Stay beautiful, darlings! xo